


The Time Merlin and Lancelot Almost Destroyed Camelot (as told by the Knights of the Rountable)

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Gen, Humor, I mean, Lancelot and Merlin are on their bullshit again, The knights are SHOOK at the idea of them arguing, technically, this could have happened between episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-01-26 14:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: "It's true then?" Elyan frowned as he peered out the door into the hallway Lancelot had just exited through. Gwen bit her lip before nodding. "Damn. What would Lancelot and Merlin even argue about?""Please," Gwaine rolled his eyes before flicking his hair out of his face "This has got to be some new battle strategy. Maybe Morgana is trying to throw us off with this so we won't notice when she tries to invade again." He shrugged. The others seemed to consider this."That somehow makes more sense." Percival muttered. Gwen wrinkled her nose before putting down the basket with a sigh."I'm telling you," She said "George heard them both yelling. It sounded very intense.""Maybe they were having sex. Sometimes people yell during sex." Gwaine suggested. Everyone turned to him."Is that more likely than having an argument?" Leon asked dryly. Gwaine pointed his glove at him."Between Lancelot and Merlin? Yes. Absolutely, you ignorant fool."OrLancelot and Merlin get into an argument. All of Camelot loses its goddamn mind trying to figure out what's going on.
Relationships: Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 218
Kudos: 3548
Collections: Emrys is a mess, Fics good enough to send to my sister, Good fics, Merlin





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I am physically capable of focusing on one fic at a time. Also, I think this fic will finally make Merlin the fandom I write most for. So that's cool. 
> 
> ...until I rewatch Voltron and undoubtedly go into that wormhole again lol

Here's the thing.

Merlin was Arthur's servant. He was definitely Arthur's servant and _damn_ was that boy loyal to Arthur. Even with all the bickering and mutters and glares and sarcastic remarks. Everyone in the kingdom (and even those of other kingdoms) would never dare to question Merlin's loyalty. His utter devotion was certainly something to be marveled at.

Merlin was also very fond of the knights. Sure, each had their own special relationship with him. Gwaine and Merlin were thick as thieves with their plotting and jokes. Anytime there was even a whisper of trouble the pair were usually the first ones to get the finger pointed at. Leon and Merlin were a much safer set of friends. Leon was a warm and calm presence that could easily talk down an irritated or trifled Merlin with only a smile and hand to the shoulder. And while Leon was a very traditional knight in most things it was still very obvious that Leon enjoyed when Merlin broke protocol to bring him extra servings of food or sneak him extra wine during feasts. 

Then, of course, there Elyan and Merlin. Elyan had heard so much about Merlin from Gwen that he had accidentally adopted the servant into their family within a week of knowing him. If Merlin looked ill or too thin or tired then it was almost always Elyan who pointed it out to Arthur. Merlin would always bristle at it, but everyone was all too aware that Elyan was one of the rare people who the man would listen to with little to no argument. It was something Arthur was _madly_ jealous of and begged his knight everyday to tell him how to achieve such a feat. Percival and Merlin - while seemingly both innocent enough separately - were also a dangerous match. Percival was scary and big enough to drive away anyone who might catch Merlin doing something he shouldn't (such as putting worms in Arthur's food that one time...He was really mad) and Merlin was all too happy to get Percival out of training by pretending he needed help moving furniture or lifting trunks around the castle.

But _Lancelot?_ Oh, Lancelot was Merlin's favorite. There was no debate.

They all knew it. Arthur knew it. The knights knew it. Camelot knew it. It was just how it was.

There was no explanation for it. Sure, Lancelot had saved Merlin's life...And Merlin had been Lancelot's very first advocate for knighthood. Whenever Lancelot had been called back to Camelot it was fairly obvious it was Merlin who had sent for him and even more obvious that the two had kept in contact despite Lancelot's banishment. Still, one would think the difference in stations would set them apart.

...It did not.

Lancelot and Merlin were always together. It was a miracle that the time they spent together even rivaled the amount of time Arthur and Merlin spent by the other's side. Most of the time they wouldn't even include the others in their conversations, tending to whisper by fires or in shadows. Merlin always served Lancelot first during meals (it drove Arthur absolutely insane) and half the time Merlin acted as if he was also Lancelot's servant by the amount of favors he did him. Lancelot was no better. One time, Arthur had been outraged to find his knight bringing him his breakfast because 'Merlin deserved a lie in' and that one time Lancelot sharpened Arthur's sword because he was worried Merlin might cut himself.

It was all bloody ridiculous.

So when _it_ happened...Well. People noticed...And were definitely talking about it.

"Lancelot," Elyan called as he rubbed his eyes with a yawn. He had just gotten back from patrol and pretty much wanted to die. He loved Arthur. Really, he did. But the man was _brutal_ when it came to knightly duties. Elyan did not think it was necessary to scout the same area _three_ times when it was snowing. It just wasn't. "Could you ask Merlin if he would mind drawing me up a bath? Gerald never gets it the right temperature." He shuddered, thinking of his own servant. Well. Not _his_ servant. Just the one that usually attended him. None of the knights really liked the idea of having a personal servant. That felt weird...Especially since most of them had started out as commoners and weren't comfortable with servants to begin with. 

"You'll have to ask him yourself," Lancelot said, voice somehow perfectly polite while tightening sharply "I have no idea where he is."

"You aren't seeing him later?"

"No."

Elyan paused, waiting for more. Lancelot always saw Merlin after patrol. After everything really. In fact, the only way to really separate them was if Arthur and Lancelot were on different patrols and when they reunited you would think it had been _ages_ since they had last seen one another. Elyan rose his eyebrows and turned to where Percival had perked up at the comment, eyes lighting with interest.

"That was...Strange." He whispered to him as they watched Lancelot march his horse back to its stall. "Is he sick?"

"He doesn't look sick." Percival said with narrowed eyes. "Do you think he got stabbed and we didn't see?"

"By who? Nobody attacked us."

"Maybe we _were_ and he took care of it before we noticed and he got stabbed." Percival reasoned. Elyan blinked. "Can you think of another reason he won't see Merlin?" Percival challenged. That was probably fair. Elyan clicked his tongue and went to hand the reins off to - Oh. That was Gerald. Elyan really hoped that he hadn't heard the bath comment. Judging by the scowl on his face he led the horse away...Yeah. Elyan was _definitely_ getting a cold bath now. He shivered at the thought and set out to find Merlin before he was doomed to freeze to death.

"Is Arthur here?" He called, stepping into the throne room where some of the other knights were pouring over reports and various forms. Gwaine was banging his head repeatedly on the table as Leon signed something with a flick of his wrist. "I'm looking for Merlin." He added.

"I think Arthur is getting changed." Leon told him and Elyan groaned. "I wouldn't worry about it. He'll be down here as soon as he hears that Lancelot is back from patrol." The knight snorted and kicked Gwaine under the table. The man muttered something under his breath before picking up a quill and sifting through some parchment. Percival cleared his throat.

"Lancelot said he wasn't seeing Merlin today." He said and everybody stopped.

"What? But Lancelot was on patrol."

"I know."

"They haven't seen each other all day."

"I know."

"That surpasses the three hours maximum amount of time they tend to be apart."

"I know."

"Something is not right." Gwaine decided and put a finger to his lips. "Are you certain this is Lancelot you brought back? Or did you mix him up with some other strait-laced saint?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. Elyan crossed his arms over his chest in annoyance. "Come on. We all remember the one time you went to rescue Leon and you brought back a farmer, Elyan." He added, eyes sparkling. Leon sighed at the reminder.

"Gwaine, I told you to stop bringing that up. It was _fine_. I managed to escape and-"

"He had a sack over his head! How was I supposed to tell?"

"I do wonder," Percival interrupted "Why you never took the sack off after you saved him?"

"He asked to keep it on." Elyan muttered and Gwaine started laughing "Stop it! It was my first quest, leave me alone."

"Do you remember Arthur's face when he pulled the thing off? And Leon just came around the corner with an arrow in his arm and demanded to know why you left him?" Gwaine giggled to himself. "Oh, the farmer was so mad too. He really hated that his sack got pulled off-"

"You know what? I-"

"Hi Lancelot." Leon interrupted pleasantly. They all went silent as their friend strode into the room, arms full with parchment that Elyan knew was probably finished reports of their patrol. The man always managed to do it in a ridiculously short period of time. Elyan wrinkled his nose at the reminder he still had to do his. "How are you feeling?" He smiled and when the knight tilted his head, smiled. "It looks cold out there." He explained. Lancelot's expression cleared.

"Ah. I might have a sore throat in the morning, but I should be fine."

"Merlin could probably whip something up for you." Gwaine interjected, eyes alight with interest. Lancelot paused.

"Oh...That's quite alright. I wouldn't want to bother him. He's very...Busy." The man said and placed the parchment down. "Goodnight." He nodded. Leon blinked a little but nodded back as everyone else gaped at the man's retreating back. Silence followed.

"Huh." Leon frowned "I thought it was a rumor." He said and went back to his paperwork. The others waited.

"You thought what was a rumor?" Percival asked, breaking first. The knight glanced up before sighing. Elyan rolled his eyes. As if telling them was _such_ a trying task. Leon was a bit dramatic in his own, petty way.

"You know...Merlin and Lancelot yesterday. Fredrick mentioned it, but I didn't think it was true." He said with a wave of his hand.

"Frederick? Is that the bloke with one eye?"

"No."

"The one with the big nose?"

"No."

"The one that I thought was a girl that one time and tried to kiss?"

"No... But that was actually Frederick's brother." Leon pointed his quill at him and Gwaine snapped his fingers in recognition. "Anyways, Frederick said he overheard Merlin and Lancelot arguing about something but I figured he was mistaken." the knight explained and tapped the quill on his chin "But maybe not."

"Lancelot and Merlin don't argue," Percival noted with a frown "I've never seen them even disagree on something." He said. Elyan nodded in agreement. Lancelot was once distracted and said the sky was purple. Rather than join in the teasing Merlin had vehemently defended him for over two hours - declaring that, he too, also thought the sky was purple because at night the sky was very dark and none of _them_ knew what the sky was like at night because _they_ didn't work past sundown.

Then the rat bastard had woken them up before the sun rose to point out that the sky did sort of look purple at night.

None of them ever dared to try and correct Lancelot ever again.

"Well I don't know why Lancelot wouldn't want to see him then."

"You don't think he's dying, do you?" Elyan asked "Maybe he doesn't want to tell him he's dying."

"Merlin is pretty much a physician. He would be able to tell." Leon dismissed. He smiled again and it took Elyan a moment to realize he was looking past Elyan. He turned to find his sister strolling up with a basket at her hip, a small smile on her lips as she looked at them gathered around.

"I've come to collect your bags." She said, nodding to the damp leather bags by Percival and Elyan's feet. It held the clothes they had changed out of earlier - that were arguably even damper than the bags. Elyan nodded and leaned down to pick it up as Gwaine tried to convince Gwen to throw his gloves in the wash as well.

"I washed your things yesterday," She rolled her eyes and nodded when Percival and Elyan threw their stuff in. "I'll go find Lancelot and get his. I'm guessing he's with Merlin?" She asked and everyone shook their heads. Confusion flittered over her face for a moment before clearing. "Oh. I forgot...George mentioned he heard them fighting."

"George heard something too?"

"Is George the one with one eye?"

"No, Gwaine. Shut up."

"It's true then?" Elyan frowned as he peered out the door into the hallway Lancelot had just exited through. Gwen bit her lip before nodding. "Damn. What would Lancelot and Merlin even argue about?"

"Please," Gwaine rolled his eyes before flicking his hair out of his face "This has got to be some new battle strategy. Maybe Morgana is trying to throw us off with this so we won't notice when she tries to invade again." He shrugged. The others seemed to consider this. 

"That somehow makes more sense." Percival muttered. Gwen wrinkled her nose before putting down the basket with a sigh. 

"I'm telling you," She said "George heard them both yelling. It sounded very intense." 

"Maybe they were having sex. Sometimes people yell during sex." Gwaine suggested. Everyone turned to him. 

"Is that more likely than having an argument?" Leon asked dryly. Gwaine pointed his glove at him. 

"Between Lancelot and Merlin? Yes. Absolutely, you ignorant fool." He said and they all fell silent.

"...Maybe we shouldn't be involved." Gwen said uncomfortably, picking the basket back up "Or just ask. I'm sure if it was an argument they would make up very soon." She pointed out and there was a murmur at that. If Merlin and Lancelot really were arguing there was no way it would last long. Maybe until the end of the day. If that. 

"You're right." Leon agreed and picked up another form. "I'm sure everything will be fine by tomorrow."

* * *

Things were not fine.

Leon was a damn liar and while Gwaine had always known this he now had even more proof.

During training the next morning Lancelot and Merlin didn't even _talk_. Not a word. Not even an acknowledgement. He could tell the others were watching closely - trying to see the tension and figure out what the Hell was going on. Even Arthur had picked up on something. _Arthur. _Princess Prissy didn't even notice when it snowed...Because it was snowing now and they were _still_ having training that son of a bastard king.

"Is Lancelot alright?" The prince asked Merlin after Lancelot had trotted off to the other end of the snow riddled field rather than accept one of the wineskins Merlin had dumped on the ground in front of them. Gwaine reached for his before the damn thing froze because it was snowing and _why were they out here?_

"How should I know?" Merlin asked and brushed his hair off of his forehead. Arthur blinked. Gwaine froze - as did everyone else - to lean in at the comment.

"You...Usually know." Arthur told him and oh boy. Oh _boy_. Gwaine watched as Merlin's face went blank before his jaw tightened and he took the wineskin back from the prince a little more forcefully than he needed to. Without a word he marched back to where the weapons were, sitting on the ground with his arms crossed over his chest. Percival let his mouth fall open.

"Holy mother of Camelot." He whispered. Gwaine was inclined to agree. "They really _are_ in an argument. Leon, you said they would be getting along again by now." He added, voice almost accusatory as he looked to where Leon was watching Merlin as if he had been punched. He spluttered for a moment before giving a meager shrug to show his confusion. Arthur looked between them all warily.

"How long has this been going on?" He asked and Elyan cleared his throat.

"We noticed yesterday, sire. Apparently two people heard them yelling the other day. We don't know the details. Lancelot didn't even see Merlin yesterday after patrol." He said and Arthur rose his eyebrows a little at that. They all fell silent as Lancelot approached them with his own water, eyes flicking a little towards where Merlin was sitting. Gwaine wanted someone to point out that it was a little cold to have Merlin just sitting there but wasn't sure what would happened if he did.

Then again...Gwaine also didn't care.

"We should send Merlin inside," He announced "It's too cold to have him stay out here without moving around with us."

"You're right," Elyan frowned "Or maybe get him some blankets or-"

"He's not a _child_." Lancelot interrupted and...By God. The man actually sounded _annoyed_. Lancelot was _annoyed_. By Merlin's welfare of all things. The group slowly turned to him with their own expressions of shock as Lancelot picked up his sword. Gwaine put a hand over his heart.

"My dearest, noblest, sweetest friend and brother." He started despite Percival's look of alarm "Are _you_ suggesting, of all people, to ignore a potentially precarious situation for Merlin?" He asked. Lancelot closed his eyes.

"It's a bit of cold weather. Besides, you know him well enough. Do you really _think_ he would go inside if we asked him? No. No, because Merlin doesn't listen to people. Because Merlin knows best. Because God forbid someone doesn't agree with him. You know, I'm surprised we haven't made _him_ king yet with Merlin being just so smart." Lancelot drawled and Gwaine was pretty much choking on the words as they fell out of his friend's mouth. Sarcasm? Was he using _sarcasm?_

Normally, he might say Lancelot adored Merlin enough to really suggest that the man knew everything and should be king...but no. Gwaine knew sarcasm all too well and while it was foreign to hear it from Lancelot's lips...There was no doubting it.

"Lancelot," Leon jumped in, voice gentle in a way that only Leon could manage (because he was a liar and only liars had such silver tongues) "Has...Something happened between you two?" He asked, raising his hand the way you might calm a frightened mare. Lancelot bristled. Had Lancelot bristled before? What a day this was turning out to be. So many milestones for Gwaine to take note of. He might have a pint for each new thing he saw today.

"Oh, I certainly wouldn't know." Lancelot muttered darkly "I'm just -" He began and paused. For a moment the whisper of anger that had appeared on his face retreated and Gwaine watched as if he magically had been hit with a wave of tranquility. After a few moments of silence he took a long breath. "I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. Everything is fine." He said, though his voice _was_ kind of stiff. "I think, if you don't mind, my lord, that I might recover from my patrol a bit more?" He added. Arthur only gave a silent nod.

Now Lancelot was missing _training? _Oh, this was a downright picnic. Granted, Gwaine would be enjoying this a lot more if Merlin wasn't involved but he could still enjoy the world ending...Because the world was totally ending. Lancelot used sarcasm. There was nothing shielding them from utter and complete chaos now.

"He's _mad." _Elyan whispered in slight awe as Lancelot crunched away, leaving footprints in the snow. "What do we do?"

"I would say ask Merlin but..." Percival clicked his tongue. Leon and Arthur exchanged baffled looks. "We should investigate."

"What? No." Leon frowned "No, we don't snoop around other people's business. That isn't polite or agreeable to the knight's code of honor."

"Yeah and you also told me that we were going drinking yesterday," Gwaine scowled at him "But we did paperwork instead and so your word means _nothing to me." _He said, pointing at him. "Besides, saving a very close friendship is chivalrous and that seems quite knightly. _Plus,_ we can ask the servants about Merlin and they always have amazing gossip." He grinned. He loved Merlin so much but...Gwaine did _not_ know everything about the guy. Servants always had the best intel. Last time he talked to a girl named Nina and _she_ said Merlin used to visit a restricted part of the castle in the middle of the night where a bloody _dragon_ was said to be kept. Amazing. Probably wasn't true but still amazing.

"Gwaine-" Leon started but Arthur rose his hand.

"...let's do it."

"Sire, please think about this."

"We're doing it Leon."

* * *

Leon was not a fan of this plan.

Of course, he was so very curious about this...This _tiff_ that was going on, but that did _not_ mean they could snoop around. He thought to what his mother would say if she knew he was involved in such a thing...Then again, in retrospect his mother might have been big on people minding their own business because she was having an affair...But that wasn't the point.

The _point_ was that he cared for both Merlin and Lancelot very much and knew they could work things out on their own like adults.

"Oh, I'll show him. I'll _show him_ that lying, manipulative, backstabbing little..." Merlin growled as he stomped around the room. The knights had planned to ask Gaius what was going on, but upon entering his chambers they only found a very disgruntled Merlin throwing books over his shoulder. "The nerve! The _nerve!"_ He hissed. "Oh, I'm Lancelot and I'm so noble and can never do _anything_ wrong because I'm just so bloody perfect!" He mimicked and grabbed another book. He read a passage and then threw it on the ground and went back to the bookshelf.

...So this was worse than he thought. Maybe they should be getting involved.

"Uh, Merlin." Arthur said. It was meant to get his attention, but there was no hiding the sound of astonishment as he watched the other man. "What are you doing?"

Merlin jumped and looked up at them. His eyes narrowed for a moment before seemingly registering that Lancelot wasn't part of the group and relaxing ever so slightly.

"I'm reading." He said dryly and took a long breath. "Do you need anything? I promise I've remembered your dinner. It takes an hour to cook, you know." He told the prince, eyes narrowing a little. Then his expression changed - the annoyance melting very suddenly into concern. "Or...Wait, is it your father? Gaius isn't here but I can find him if something is wrong." He said. Leon smiled a little at that. Merlin had never liked Uther. Leon could just tell but... He always seemed to look out for the king - even before Morgana's attack. He suspected he only did it for Arthur's sake.

"My father is fine," Arthur began and looked over his shoulder. The others shrugged. There really wasn't a good reason for all of them to be here. Seeing they had no excuses, Arthur rolled his eyes. "We actually wanted to ask about Lancelot."

Merlin scowled.

"What about him?" He snapped, making Elyan jump. Well then...It would appear the situation was escalating somehow. Interesting. Leon pursed his lips. Maybe the goal should be to get them to talk to each other rather than ask what was going on. Still, Arthur seemed committed to getting an answer so he did the unthinkable.

He just outright asked him.

"Why are you two angry with one another?"

Leon wouldn't have guessed those were the words to start a war... But he supposed he had seen stranger things in life.

"_Angry?"_ Merlin repeated and his voice rose a little "Oh, he's _angry_ with me now, is he? Well, that's lovely. Because he has every right to be, of course. Except...No. No he doesn't." Merlin muttered and yanked another book from the shelf. "And what did he tell you? To ask _me_ what's wrong? I bet he did. Lancelot is _above_ such things." He sniffed and clenched his hands by his sides as he put the book down. "Can you believe him?!" He yelled.

"I...I don't really know, mate." Gwaine managed, looking a little startled by the outburst. "We're a little in the dark-"

"Merlin," Leon tried because...Well, this was a bit of an issue with propriety. Just a little. It was his duty to maybe point it out. "Maybe be careful when speaking about a knight that way." He warned and Elyan groaned a little, closing his eyes. Leon grimaced. Yeah... He watched as Merlin's face drained. Being reminded you are of a different station than the person you are arguing with wasn't probably the best thing to hear.

"Leon, _why?"_ Gwaine whispered.

"You know he makes our food during expeditions, right?" Percival asked. Say what you will about the bigger knight - the man was bloody wise. Leon winced, already tasting the poorly seasoned stew Merlin would innocently give to him the next time the situation came about. He had seen it happen to Arthur once...And _that_ situation had not been pretty. Arthur made him remake it and Merlin only made it worse...So Arthur had him remake it again. And surprise! Merlin made it worse. The cycle continued until finally Merlin presented him with a bowl of water with grass plopped inside.

Merlin was in the stocks for a long time after that.

"Oh?" Merlin asked, voice dangerous. Leon inwardly screamed. If Merlin lost their temper with _them_...Well, he wasn't sure what would happen. "Of course...I shall...Refrain from such...Uncivil language." He said, voice _way_ too pleasant. Had Arthur even made Merlin this mad? This was actually very concerning if Lancelot managed to piss Merlin off more than _Arthur_ had ever done. The prince must have been thinking the same thing because he seemed torn between saying something and outright leaving. "I should get to your armor, my lord." Merlin added with a nod at Arthur.

"You didn't tell us what Lancelot did-" Gwaine objected. Merlin smiled. It seemed forced.

"Oh, but I don't think I can say." He told them sweetly. "You see, describing what he did, well..." He tsked and shook his head "That is no way to speak of a _knight."_ He said, looking directly at Leon. "Good day, my lords." He nodded and with that left the room, slamming the door behind him. Nobody said anything for a couple seconds.

"Well done, Leon. Elyan was bloody right to leave you behind for the farmer." Gwaine began, throwing up his hands.

"Oh, come on! I know we let him cross some lines but he can't go around speaking ill of knights-"

"If it means we find out what the Hell happened _then yes he can!"_

"Enough!" Arthur interrupted and closed his eyes. Leon scowled. He wanted to point out that Arthur could have definitely gone into his 'prat mode' as Merlin called it and downright ordered his servant to tell them. But no. He had humored his rant. Bloody coward.

Not that he would ever say that to his face...Probably. 

"Maybe we can try getting them both in the same room and asking what's wrong?" Elyan suggested warily "I bet you Gwen could do that." He asked and there was a murmur of approval at that. If anyone could get something like that done...It would be Gwen. "And in the meantime, we can let Gwaine ask the servants questions." He shrugged. Gwaine's bad mood was immediately lifted.

"Good suggestions, Elyan." Arthur nodded. "We should also-"

"What the Hell is this?" A voice asked and everyone paused to find the door opened again. Gaius gaped as he looked around. "What did you do to my chambers?" He demanded, gesturing towards the books thrown about. "Did you have training in here?!" He asked, voice rising and...Huh. Merlin's angry voice kind of sounded like Gaius' angry voice. Leon had never noticed. That was kind of sweet that his ward had picked that up. Though he wasn't sure why Merlin had heard Gaius' angry voice so much to be able to reflect it that well.

"Merlin."

"It was Merlin, Gaius."

"I swear we didn't do it."

"It was your slightly psychotic ward who might be trying to kill Lancelot as we speak." Gwaine nodded and looked at Gaius. "Do you know why Lancelot and Merlin are arguing?" He asked, leaning forward. The group nodded eagerly in agreement. Gaius pinched his nose.

"No," He sighed, "I just went to Lancelot to ask myself. Merlin was muttering about cutting his hair so I thought to investigate."

"...what did Lancelot say?"

"That Merlin would lose a hand if he touched his hair." Gaius said dryly and crossed his arms. "Are you going to help me with these books?" He asked. Percival frowned.

"But we didn't do it."

"I'm sorry, Sir Percival. How old do you think I am? Should my worn bones work to clean this up _myself,_ most chivalrous knight?"

"Goodness, Gaius." Gwaine frowned as he went to start cleaning up. "Everyone is so _angry_ today. And..." He glanced to where Arthur had picked up a book. "You just got the Prince of Camelot to help you clean. Nevermind. Keep being angry."

"I was being _polite-"_

"Princess Polite. I love it." Gwaine grinned and Leon sighed. He got the feeling his previous optimism that this all might resolve itself might have been premature. He wondered what a full-blown fight between Lancelot and Merlin might look like.

Leon swallowed. He had been raised for war...But not this.

He hoped Camelot would survive the aftermath.


	2. Chapter 2

Percival was...Uneasy.

He really should have known better than to let Gwaine drag him off to do 'research'. Usually he was quite taken with Gwaine. The man was fun and a breath of fresh air compared to Lancelot and Leon's endless lectures on knighthood and nobility and what not. If Percival was completely honest...He hadn't really planned on being a knight. He just wanted to help kick Cenred's ass for murdering his family and then go back to chopping wood.

But honestly. If the Prince of Camelot offers to bestow a _knighthood_ on you are you really supposed to say no? Especially considering Percival was as common as they came. He hadn't even grown up in Camelot. In truth, this knight thing was the most surreal thing to ever happen to him. He supposed he really _was_ grateful for how things had turned out...He did like being a knight. He just sometimes preferred to mess around with Gwaine rather than listen to chivalrous speeches. Big deal.

Only now, he wasn't for sure how fond of Gwaine he really was.

"The _tavern?"_ He asked, crossing his arms. "I should have known you would just use this to try and get drunk." He muttered, rubbing at his eyes. The annoyance quickly drained away as Gwaine's bright smile flickered into a pout.

"No! We're here for research purposes." The other man nodded and paused "...and if a pint or two happens then that's just fate."

"Uh huh." Percival drawled and bit his lip "You don't think...Joan is here, do you?" He asked, peering through the door of the Rising Sun. Gwaine snorted and patted his elbow.

"That's who we're here to see, mate." Gwaine informed him. Percival choked. "Oh, come _on._ You aren't still worked up over last week, are you?" He asked. Percival looked at him. It had only been - as Gwaine said - a _week_. A horrible, horrible week... "Jeez mate. What _happened_ out there?" Gwaine frowned. Percival winced, mind flashing back to the horrors he indirectly blamed Arthur for. Bloody Arthur.

'Oh, go run an errand for me, Percival. It won't be hard. I just need someone I trust to receive a shipment of grain outside the citadel. Don't worry. It won't even take long.'

Percival honestly didn't think he would ever forgive him.

"I spent _three days_ with that woman," Percival whispered and Gwaine's grin widened. "Don't start. It was so awful, Gwaine. I keep telling you, but all you lot ever do is make fun of me for it." He scowled. Gwaine seemed to be holding back a few remarks now as he coughed into his elbow. It sounded suspiciously like a laugh. "And as lovely as Joan is I do _not_ want to risk a similar situation repeating itself."

"Percival."

"You weren't there, Gwaine!"

"Percival."

"It was awful. I've seen war, you know. I've seen murder and bloodshed and torture - so you need to take my word for it when I say it was bad."

"Percival."

"Fine. I hate you." He informed him bluntly and walked through the door, ignoring Gwaine's laughter. Percival hoped to every deity and god this kingdom believed in that Gwaine went through a similar Hell. "But, _if_ anything happens." He added, spinning around. "I get Gaius and _you_ stay." He warned. Gwaine rose his arms in surrender before bounding towards the bar, already greeting a few drinking buddies and flicking off some drinking enemies. 

"J-oan!" Gwaine sang over the counter, "I've missed your lovely face! You have to come help us end a war." He added brightly as Percival miserably plopped down next to him. Immediately a head popped around the corner, eyes narrowing for a moment before breaking out into a grin.

"Ooh! If it isn't some handsome knights of Camelot." Joan laughed and rounded the corner "Let me guess. This war could be solved by a pint or two?" She asked, raising her brows. Percival peered at her suspiciously, nose scrunching in concentration as he tried to figure exactly how much peril they were in. Joan's brows shot up as she saw him watching her, confusion hinting in her eyes. "Is everything alright, dear?"

"...how long until, um." He nodded and Joan's hand fluttered to her stomach. "The new arrival?" He tried. Gwaine sighed.

"Oh!" Joan beamed, looking pleased he had asked. "Well, Miss. Anne should be making her grand entrance any day now." She smiled and Percival choked. "My husband keeps telling me it's a boy, but I've had four sons and none of them kicked quite as much as this little one." She clicked her tongue. Gwaine blinked, looking fascinated by the logic a girl would kick more than a boy, but Percival had more pressing issues.

"Any day?" He asked, horrified. "And you're _here?"_

"For the love of God, man." Gwaine groaned and turned back to Joan. "Sorry about him. Last week the prince sent him out to retrieve a shipment of grain and the rider's wife had a kid. Percival stayed with her while they got the physician and now he's decided to never take a wife." He drawled out. Joan's expression cleared.

"Oh, sweetheart." She smiled "What did you see?"

"Everything." Percival shuddered "I saw _everything_, miss. You said you had _four_ sons?" He added on, his heart swelling with sympathy. Before Joan could answer, Gwaine waved him away with a roll of his eyes, turning back to barmaid. 

"We're actually here to ask about Merlin." Gwaine said and Joan sighed. "I _know_ you said he never comes to the tavern-"

"Does the prince still think I'm covering for him? I really have never seen that boy take a sip of mead."

"-but Gaius mentioned he's been helping you with Miss. Anne." Gwaine continued, nodding at her stomach. Percival blinked. Right. He forgot that for the trips that took Gaius a bit farther from the castle that Merlin had taken over. Percival wondered if he had helped someone give birth before. He hoped he would be the one called upon if Joan suddenly decided to go into labor. He would be much faster than Gaius.

"He...Has..." Joan frowned and picked up a glass to start cleaning. "What's this about?"

"Are you familiar with Sir Lancelot?" Percival asked. Joan laughed.

"I said I knew Merlin, didn't I?" She asked, eyes sparkling. "You hardly see one without the other."

"Exactly!" Gwaine said, slapping the counter. "Perfect. Now, do you know why they're fighting?" He asked, leaning in. Joan stopped wiping the cup, brows coming together before looking at Gwaine for a moment. "...did you know they were fighting?" He asked. Percival was going to guess that was a solid no.

"Fighting?" Joan repeated and put a hand over her chest. "That's unfortunate to hear. When do you think they'll make up?" She frowned. Gwaine and Percival exchanged wary glances. Neither of them wanted to say it but...Well, this was uncharted territory. Merlin didn't get mad at Lancelot...And Lancelot didn't get mad in general. Joan's eyes widened, hand moving from her chest to her mouth. "Oh dear. That's not a good look."

"We're handling it," Gwaine reassured her. Percival snorted. Sure. Handling it. Merlin was definitely going to try poison Leon right after he finished shaving off Lancelot's hair, but let's pretend they were _handling it_. "We are just asking around to see what people know because neither of them are telling us what's going on." He continued. Joan wrung her hands, biting her lip a bit in thought.

"I...I can't think of anything. They are always so sweet when they come to visit me and check on the baby."

Gwaine and Percival both rolled their eyes. _Of course,_ Lancelot joined Merlin on his physician duties.

"When did they last visit you?" Percival asked. Joan held a hand up for a moment before scurrying over to refill someone's glass. When she came back, her face was a bit flushed as she rubbed her stomach in thought. Oh no...She was okay, right? That was normal?

"They visited maybe...Three days ago?" She clicked her tongue and took a long breath.

"The day of the yelling." Percival nodded. "You might have been the last person to see them on friendly terms." He informed her gravely.

"They seemed fine. Merlin was a little agitated, but I thought that might be because of the stress. That prince of yours works him hard." Joan mused, tapping her lip. "Oh! There was one strange thing, I suppose." She snapped her fingers. Gwaine leaned in. "Lancelot was carrying a book. Merlin tried to reach for it a few times but he wouldn't let him touch it. Merlin didn't say anything, but I think it was annoying him."

"A clue." Gwaine whispered. "Tell us more of this..._Book_. Of what information did it carry?"

"I couldn't tell you. It was leather with silver clasps." Joan shrugged helplessly and winced. "I do...I do hope...They...Aren't too angry." She breathed out slowly. Percival froze. "I...Um, one moment. I think I need to sit." She mumbled and there was the sound of something splashing on the floor.

"...no." Percival whispered. He couldn't do this again. He turned back to Gwaine. "Remember you promised." He warned. Gwaine looked like he might have retorted but Joan let out a sharp gasp. Percival shot up. "Oh my God. Lancelot and Merlin's fight stressed her out enough to make her have the baby." He said, taking a step back.

"What?! Are you insane?" Gwaine asked and Joan let out a gritted noise of pain.

"Look at the evidence! She was fine. She learned that they fought. Now she has a baby trying to escape."

"That's ridiculous-"

"_Help me!"_ Joan hissed, making them both jump as she slammed her hand on the counter. Gwaine opened and close his mouth a few times.

"This is Lancelot and Merlin's fault." He decided and Percival threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Someone get...Get Gaius or Merlin, please." Joan managed out and gripped the counter. Gwaine nodded.

"Right, right. Um...You sit and I'll just clean up the ale you spilled-"

"That wasn't ale, sweetheart."

Gwaine paused. Percival smiled tightly before clapping him on the back. It would appear his previous wish was heard.

"Wait. Wait a minute," Gwaine began but Percival was already heading towards the door. No way. No freaking way. Not today. "What do I do? I don't know anything about this! Percival, can you just-"

"OH MY GOD!"

"Don't yell at me Joan! I don't know what to do!" Gwaine's voice followed out of the tavern "Damnit. I'm going to kill those two...I'm so sorry. I didn't know this would happen. Lancelot and Merlin will come to apologize, I promise."

Percival might go ahead and get Gaius...Merlin was going through something right now and he was _sure_ Gwaine wouldn't mind the trip taking a bit longer.

* * *

Arthur was just...Just...

Okay, what the _Hell?_

He was a little out of sorts at the moment. Just a little. Because he didn't _care_ about any of this nonsense going on between Lancelot and Merlin - not really - but he was aware that it would have some consequences. Already there were whispers about the castle, muttering and lingering looks whenever Lancelot or Merlin entered a room. He had caught three stable boys neglecting their duties in favor of theorizing what the pair could be arguing about and no less than _six_ of his _councilors_ discussing it over mulled wine when they were supposed to be figuring out how to lower taxes.

Then...There was Merlin himself.

"You seem to be in a good mood." Arthur noted as Merlin scowled at Arthur's boot as if it had somehow wronged him before aggressively scrubbing at the leather. Merlin stopped to glance at him as he entered the room before giving a meager shrug and continuing his assault on Arthur's footwear.

So, in theory, supposedly, Arthur could...End this now. Merlin was unruly without a doubt. He argued and fought and never really listened if he wasn't interested in doing something and there was no stopping him when he _did _want to do something. One of Arthur's favorite example of this was when a nobleman from Wessex came. Merlin had not been a fan. Naturally, the noble had noticed this and requested Merlin to serve him throughout the visit. It was truly an amazing thing to watch. Arthur knew Merlin had a knack of disappearing and coming back with various excuses but this...This could have been considered a work of art. At one point he claimed to have broken his arm. While nobody was sure if it was true or not the fact of the matter was that Merlin somehow managed to complete all of his chores for Arthur with one hand as well as help out other parts of the castle (he caught a rogue horse at one point) all while claiming his injury could not let him fold the other nobleman's socks.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Merlin had once worked three days without stopping because Arthur was sick and he was worried someone might try and take advantage of the situation and kill him. The result had been Merlin not only making all of Arthur's food himself but also his medicine as well as playing nursemaid. The prince had little memory of the situation, but Leon had fondly told him the details over dinner a few days later. Apparently Merlin had been convinced the cook was after Arthur's life so he stole all the food from the kitchens and barricaded the door. Somehow this wasn't surprising.

But the truth of the matter was...If Arthur was serious about something - and _meant_ it - then Merlin usually folded. He didn't disobey orders or argue or question anything if he felt the prince wouldn't accept pushback. So in truth, Arthur could demand that Merlin tell him what was going on and he knew he would get an answer.

It was just...Arthur didn't really want to do that. For reasons. Reasons that weren't important. It was fine. And...Arthur didn't really _need_ to intervene anyways. Even if he had heard Percival blubbering on about a baby being Merlin and Lancelot's fault as he bounded down a corridor. He was sure it was fine. He didn't need to intervene because, like he said, he just didn't care. Lancelot and Merlin were fighting. Big deal. Arthur and Merlin fought all the time. It was probably over something stupid, anyways. Like...Okay, he had no idea what it would be about but he _was_ certain it was stupid.

"You know, you won't be excused from your normal duties just so you can ignore Lancelot." Arthur added, shrugging off his jacket as Merlin took his irritation out on the next boot. There was a pause.

"Do you think ignoring him is the best way to go about it?" He asked suddenly. Arthur blinked. What? "Or do you think I should just annoy him? I can annoy him, you know. I know I can." He said and tapped the shoe on the floor, "I can...Steal his shoes."

"His shoes?"

"Only one from each pair though. I'll leave the left ones alone and take only the right." He nodded to himself as if his ingenious plan was infallible. Arthur really wished this suggestion surprised him. Instead he merely sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I need him to do his duties too, Merlin."

"...So I should just ignore him then?"

"You _should_ act like an adult and move past this." Arthur said. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with his servant. Except, yes he could. Because his servant was Merlin and all of his expectations had been spoiled of lower class now. "Honestly, did he really do something so horrible?" He asked. Merlin made a face. For a brief second, he saw something flash in his eyes. Like he really _did_ want to tell Arthur. Which...Arthur wouldn't have minded. He didn't _care_ but he wouldn't have minded. In fact, it would be...Interesting to think his servant trusted him enough to just reveal information without Arthur forcing it out of him.

"He...No. He's acting like _I_ did something horrible - and I _didn't!"_ He added loudly, face flushing red. "He doesn't know everything. He isn't right all the time." Merlin sniffed. Arthur rose his eyebrows, mind flashing back to Lancelot saying something similar abut Merlin yesterday. "I'm right."

"...you're hardly ever right, though." Arthur pointed out. He regretted his small attempt at humor because Merlin's face just became more outraged.

"And Lancelot is? You act like you really know anything about him!" He snapped, shooting up as he completely abandoned the boots altogether. He froze, possibly realizing he had just risen his voice. Arthur simply looked at him. "...Sorry." He breathed out and looked down at the boots. "Sorry." He said again before carefully picking them up and putting them in Arthur's closet.

He supposed he should be more upset that his servant was lashing out at him...but Arthur was honestly too confused. Besides, he _did_ say sorry. If only he could say that to Lancelot then perhaps this madness might end. Before he could consider more on the subject there was a sharp knock. Arthur went to tell the person to enter but someone had already thrown back the door with a bang.

"Sire," Leon said and Arthur went to grab his sword. If Leon was barging in unannounced then there was definitely an issue "We have a - ah. Merlin." He interrupted himself with a wince when he noticed Merlin moving to straighten Arthur's bed. Leon bit his lip. "...hi."

"Sir Leon," Merlin greeted coolly. Oh yeah. Merlin was kind of mad at him too. "You look frazzled."

"Um..._Well,"_ Leon said and glanced at Arthur "Now that you mention it...There were some complaints..."

"Complaints?" Merlin asked innocently. Arthur sighed. He got the feeling that they weren't being invaded after all. Leon's eyes narrowed a bit, lips pressing together in disapproval. Perhaps whatever Leon was referencing hit a nerve because Merlin did look a little guilty at the disappointment in the other man's expression. "It wasn't me." He said bitterly.

"Really?" Leon asked, brows raised.

"It was an accident."

"Really?" Leon asked again and Merlin took a long breath.

"It had no malicious intent-"

"Really?"

"Stop that!" Merlin scowled at him "It is hard being angry, you know! I needed the backup!"

"I just don't know how you managed this." Leon told him and Merlin closed his eyes. Arthur cleared his throat and both jumped at the reminder of his presence.

"What did you do?" Arthur asked, turning to him. Merlin shrugged, though he did look down at his feet as he shuffled a little. "_Merlin."_

"I mentioned to some people I was mad at Lancelot." The man explained, not meeting his eyes. Arthur's heart dropped. Oh no. Oh fuck no.

Unfortunately - no, _tragically - _Merlin was much beloved in Camelot. By other servants, townsfolk, even the occasional noble. He was...Eh, Arthur wouldn't use the word _charming_ but...His idiocy could be seen as endearing, he supposed. The _point_ was that Merlin somehow had a certain amount of clout. Ridiculous, he knew. What was even more ridiculous was that he learned this after Merlin single-handedly rounded up everyone to petition Arthur. Over what? _To_ _give Merlin a day off_. Over sixty people came to his throne room to tell the King of Camelot that he needed to give his servant a day off.

The worst part of this was that his knights had been among them. Gwaine advocated for Merlin to get a week off (paid, obviously).

So whatever this was...He was very, very, _very_ concerned.

"You started a _mob_, Merlin. A _mob_."

"Oh, come on!" Arthur yelled. What the Hell? What the _Hell?_

"No, no!" Merlin frowned "Everyone loves Lancelot. I'm sure they aren't actually angry with him. Just...Disappointed." He said and went over to fold one of Arthur's tunics. "They won't actually do anything but grumble-"

"Gwen is going to _kill_ you." Leon pointed out. Merlin froze. It was a concerning thing to hear, no doubt. The maid in question could be scary under the right conditions. "And nobody knows what's happening! It isn't _just _Lancelot they are upset with. People are taking sides." He said and Arthur blinked. They were _what?_ "People are saying one of you betrayed Arthur because that is the _only_ logical reason for you two to be fighting."

Oh...Damnit.

"Did one of you betray me?" Arthur asked - because that was a legitimate point. Only something as dark and treasonous as that could get the pair to turn on one another. "...who was it? Wait. _You_ had a thing for Morgana once-"

"How dare you?" Merlin asked, wrinkling his nose. "No! Neither of us betrayed Camelot! People think that? Wait. How many people are on my side?"

"Merlin!" Leon and Arthur yelled. Merlin held up his hands though he didn't seem too apologetic.

"For the love of the realm, _please_ fix this." Leon sighed with a small glare "The _king_ is now involved."

"What?" Arthur asked "My father? He barely speaks at all these days. What do you mean he's involved?" He demanded. Leon opened and closed his mouth a few times before nodding.

"Well, um, some maids were attending him and speaking of the whole ordeal." Leon explained uneasily. "And, well...It is said your father started muttering under his breath that if you hadn't knighted Lancelot that perhaps there might be peace. Then he fell asleep." He added and Arthur ran a hand over his face. The last thing his father needed was stress in his state. He turned to give Merlin a cold look, but the servant had placed a hand over his heart looking strangely flattered.

"The king is on my side? That is so sweet."

"He also mumbled something about beheading you."

"Ah. There it is."

* * *

Elyan loved his sister. Dearly. Utterly. Completely.

She was so sweet and sympathetic and selfless and...Scary.

"This is nonsense!" Gwen was saying as she marched up the stairs, grabbing her skirts as she went. "Can people not keep their opinions to themselves?" She grumbled with a huff. Elyan followed her silently. "Poor Lancelot and Merlin..." She sighed, pushing a curl out of her eyes.

"You...Wait, what?" the knight frowned when she turned another corner. "_They_ are the cause of this."

"And? They are having a squabble, Elyan. We fight all the time and Camelot doesn't stop to whisper about it. There are rumors that the cook is refusing to serve Lancelot tonight over this and half the squires are planning to keep Merlin from doing his duties. It's a complete overreaction."

"You and I hardly fight, Gwen." Elyan informed her dryly. She stopped walking to look at him. "I do something to upset you, you yell at me, and I say sorry." He pointed out, crossing his arms. That was always how it had gone. Granted, Gwen was usually right, but still. It was annoying to be related to someone who saw things so logically and clearly. It made it hard for him to do stupid things in peace.

"Elyan, that wasn't the point I was trying to make."

"Sorry," He muttered and grinned "Hey. Look. It happened again."

"I don't have time for this." She sighed and walked over to bang on a wooden door. "LANCELOT! YOU OPEN UP THIS INSTANT!" She shouted and stepped back with a glower. For someone who just claimed to be sympathetic to Merlin and Lancelot not being able to have an argument in peace, she looked very annoyed. The door cracked open.

"Gwen," Lancelot said and opened the door fully. "Is everything alright? I - Oh. Okay." He said when Gwen reached forward to grab his hand and drag him out of the room. Elyan waved. "What's happening?"

"I'm not sure anymore. Percival is saying you caused a baby to be born."

"I _what?"_ Lancelot choked, practically tripping as Gwen led them back down the staircase. "I most certainly did not. I'm not like Gwaine! While I respect his decision to do what he pleases, I do not agree with some of the-"

"Listen, Lance. I'm just telling you what I heard. We all know you're honorable but you _did_ get yourself banished once. And I'm still convinced you cheated in that game of cards." Elyan pointed out merrily. The other knight looked at him blankly. "You know, when we were in Wessex? And you bet almost all your money in a card game because some guy called me a fopdoodle?"

"A what?" Lancelot asked and shook his head "I have no memory of this."

Elyan paused.

"That answers a lot of questions actually. You did give all your winnings to Merlin. I think be bought himself a horse with it."

"What? I - Gwen!" He yelped when the maid pulled him into a room with considerable force. She pointed to an empty chair. Lancelot rubbed his wrist a little before looking between her and the chair. Slowly, he shuffled to the chair with a baffled glance over his shoulder. Elyan shrugged.

"Stay there." Gwen told him before disappearing out of the room. Elyan watched her go.

"Arthur said you had a thing for her." He began. It wasn't really the trending topic at the moment, but Elyan had been meaning to bring it up. Lancelot's eyes widened.

"Oh, I...I meant no disrespect. I would never pursue her if she didn't-"

"I don't care." Elyan interrupted quickly. "I left her and my father alone for years...I'm in no position to get in her business like that. I just thought it was fair for you to know she once almost chopped a stable boy's ear off." He said. Lancelot stared. "It was kind of an accident, I think. She was nine and I believe the boy was trying to lift her up so she could get a better view of a horse. Only Gwen thought he was attacking her and screamed. Then Lady Morgana heard and went to help...Only she had a sword and saw Gwen trying to beat him up and well...By the time they realized he wasn't actually trying to hurt her the poor lad's ear was already a mess." Elyan shook his head. After a moment he snapped his fingers "That was how she became Morgana's maid actually."

"But she was nine...?"

"Morgana had almost just chopped a boy's ear off. Do you think anyone argued with her?" Elyan informed him dryly. He reached forward to clap him on the shoulder. "My sister is the sweetest person I know...But as your friend I just think you should be aware of the fact she can be very intimidating. Though I will say she has befriended that stable boy and brings him flowers everyday as an apology...I think she even made him a cake once." He smiled. Lancelot blinked a few times before nodding.

"Um, thank you...For your, uh, council." He said just as the door slammed open again to reveal Gwen herself. Both men jumped. Lancelot's expression quickly morphed into a scowl when he noticed she was dragging Merlin into the room. Elyan wasn't sure what his friend had been expecting. It was fairly obvious that they were all involved in this now.

"Great." Gwen said and dusted her hands on her skirt. "I think you _both_ know this has gotten out of hand. Please talk to one another." She said, and put a hand on Merlin's arm. "It pains me that you are at odds. Percival is somehow giving birth to a child over this." She frowned. Elyan tilted his head. Was _that_ what was happening? No wonder the man had been upset about seeing that one woman give birth last week. "Just...Stay in here and talk it out." She smiled. Elyan nodded. "Also, I'm not letting you out until this is resolved." She added and nodded at her brother. What? Were they leaving? Elyan kind of wanted to see how this went.

Gwen glared. Elyan left.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind him he turned to find a group of people staring with wide eyes. Elyan rolled his eyes. Though he really shouldn't have. He understood, of all people, wanting to figure out what the Hell was going on. Though...Where was Gwaine? He was immediately distracted from this when Arthur cleared his throat. Elyan gave a small shake of his head.

"They’re both in there. I don’t know anything." He explained. Percival groaned as Gwen slid up next to her brother, rubbing her eyes in exasperation.

"It isn’t our business.” She told them all, crossing her arms over her chest. "They just need some time to work things out."

It was a fair statement. Elyan agreed with in theory, but also...This was Lancelot and Merlin. All rules flew out the window the moment Lancelot used sarcasm.

"But we should be in there to mediate." Leon objected with a frown. He turned to where Arthur was standing. The prince looked at him thoughtfully but gave no immediate answer. "They might not go along with this, Gwen." He offered. Gwen’s brows furrowed together at that.

"Why wouldn’t they? I’m sure they want this resolved as much as we do. They’ll both be rationale."

"Guinevere is right," Arthur nodded "We all have work to carry out. I need to find George to get me ready for a council meeting. I'm sure by the end of the day both Lancelot and Merlin will-"

"FINE! JUST CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW LIKE A COWARD!” Merlin’s voice yelled, making everyone jump. "YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER! I HAVE A MOB NOW!”

"No." Arthur said simply and pushed past everyone to fling open the door. Sure enough, Lancelot was outside the castle as he scaled down the wall as Merlin glowered down at him. "NO!" The prince shouted.

"Yeah, _so_ noble. So bloody brave and honest and kind!” Merlin was seething. He threw up his hands. "Just admit you were wrong and give it back!" He growled. Elyan sprinted to the window. Lancelot wasn't known to run from situations. What on Earth was he worried Merlin would do to him? Slowly, the knight turned to look at the servant with wary eyes. Even if Merlin _could_ do something Lancelot he never _would_.

Though...He did look pissed enough in these moments to maybe cross that line.

"I TRIED TO BE REASONABLE WITH YOU!” Lancelot shouted from where he was still on the wall. "YOU HEARD MY TERMS AND IF YOU WON’T AGREE TO THEM THEN WE HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY TO ONE ANOTHER!”

"You know what? Fine!”

"Fine!" Lancelot said and jumped down the rest of the way. The moment he fell to the ground Merlin winced, a little worry hinting at his eyes as he looked down. It disappeared when Lancelot stood back up and waved at them all before marching away. Elyan nodded and turned back to where everyone was frozen in place.

"...Merlin." Gwen started after a couple seconds of silence. "Do you think this has perhaps gone a little too far?" She asked him, brows raised. Merlin opened his mouth - to say God knows what - only for the door to slam open loudly again. Everyone turned and Elyan could only only grab at his weapon as Gwaine entered. Arthur and Leon both reached for their own swords as Percival gave a somewhat satisfied nod.

"Gwaine? Are you alright?" Merlin asked, previous anger draining from him. It really was amazing how quickly he could go from being upset to concerned. They had seen it before, of course. Arthur always had the talent of annoying Merlin. However, if any of them so much got a scratch on them then it would disappear within seconds. Once, Arthur made Merlin muck out the stables on his birthday. Obviously, Merlin was not pleased and swore to never speak to Arthur again. However, his ire only lasted two hours since Arthur ended up breaking his nose during training...Though Merlin did make fun of him for a good week which might have been justified revenge. To this day Merlin sometimes would pinch his nose in order to accurately mimic the prince trying to give orders after the incident. Elyan vaguely wondered if Lancelot stubbing his toe would be enough to worry the servant so they could put this all behind them.

"Percival..." Gwaine whispered, wiping what appeared to be blood off of his hands "Percy was right." He managed. Elyan blinked. "Merlin, _please_. Please stop this. I've seen too much today." He said and sat down on the ground. "Just let Lancelot win. I can't live like this." He said, burying his hands in his face. Arthur turned to Percival.

"I told you, didn't I?" The knight said. Gwaine opened his mouth for a moment before slowly nodding.

"I am so sorry for doubting you." He managed and turned to Merlin "I love you, mate. I do but I will _not_ go through this again. Fix this stuff with Lancelot or I swear... If you cause another child to be born..." He trailed off. Merlin stared.

"I...I am honestly so confused. But either way, Lancelot needs to apologize first."

"Merlin, I will toss you in a bloody lake _so help me-"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning if y'all are waiting on my other fic: I just got a whole ass job! Which is super exciting since I have officially graduated and needed one of those (plus, ya know, $$$) but that means I'm MIA b/w 8-6pm so updates will be hella slow. Though I literally only have one more chapter to write so hopefully it won't be too long lol.

Leon just wanted like...Ten minutes of peace.

Just ten. He wasn't selfish. He wouldn't demand more. Like, yeah, twenty minutes would have been _exceptional_. If there were any gods out there then maybe they could be wild and throw him _thirty_. Oh, what Leon wouldn't give for thirty minutes of peace. He would personally deliver a hundred babies, despite what Gwaine and Percival said, for _thirty_ minutes of peace.

But also, Leon had been raised to expect very little of everyone so he knew ten was his max. His childhood had consisted of constant disappointments and exasperating conversations that always seemed to end with him getting the raw end of the deal. This was why he didn't blink an eye when he saw Sir Kay preparing for battle.

"...is Morgana invading?" He asked calmly when he walked in to find the other knight admiring his sword before tucking it into his belt. Kay only shook his head with forlorn look before walking over to carefully examine some knives. "Then what are you doing?" He asked, tilting his head. Sure, Kay liked to be prepared for anything, but not six knives in his boot prepared.

"Haven't you heard?" The other man asked, brows raised in surprised. Leon laughed.

"Not really. I've been dealing with this whole Lancelot and Merlin thing. You wouldn't _believe_ how intense people are getting about...Ah." He interrupted himself when Kay looked at him. "That's what you're talking about. Of course." He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "And this warrants you suiting up in armor and picking up weapons because...?"

"Leon," Kay scolded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Come now. Surely you must see what is happening!"

"...the mobs?" Leon guessed, wrinkling his nose. "I was thinking we could just convince them to go home. No stabbing necessary-"

"_Leon_," Kay groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "A rebellion is rising, my dear friend."

"You don't say."

"That's what happens when you mix common people with nobility! I kept saying! I kept telling the prince that his majesty was making a mistake letting them move up in rank. First allowing them into knighthood and then the girl - I'm telling you it is all because of that _boy."_ He sniffed, shaking his head. "He should have gotten rid of that servant long ago. Now we'll have a war. Commoners against nobility. The reckoning is upon us." He sighed and looked out a window, brows pulled together in distress as he revealed his devastating news.

Leon had just wanted ten fucking minutes.

"...what does this have to do with Lancelot and Merlin?"

"Leon!"

"Yes?"

"Have you gone _blind?_ Those two were the only thing tying together the deep rooted resentment between our two classes. Now that they are at odds surely our hatred will come to surface." He frowned, clenching a hand into a fist to shake in the air. Leon considered.

"I don't think I have any deep rooted resentment, Sir Kay."

"You do not wish to put the commoners in their place?"

"Well, I wish for them to be polite is all. I do almost die a lot for them and the prince." He said with a shrug. Many knights saw their duty to the royal family. Obviously, Leon's loyalty was there as well, but it was also to the people of the kingdom. It was something he had picked up from Arthur, no doubt. If the prince's duty lied with them...Then so did his. Simple as that.

"They will not be so polite when they try to kill you." Kay pointed out. Leon shrugged. That was a fair point.

"...and they are trying to kill us because Lancelot and Merlin are fighting? You know, Lancelot was once a commoner too, right?" He asked because there was some serious faulted logic in all of this. Then again, Leon had once almost served a troll as queen. He fought creatures that were said could _only_ be killed with magic. He let his prince lead into him a fight against a damn dragon. Leon was used to going along with people's nonsense. It was like his motto at this point.

Leon de Galis of Camelot. Noble by birth. Knight by choice. Fool by association.

...Sounded about right.

"Lancelot was not a commoner! That's Sir Gwaine." Kay sniffed. Leon made a face. Boy, was he about to blow this man's mind.

"Gwaine is actually of noble blood. He doesn't like to speak of it much. Lancelot is the son of two peasants." Leon told him. Kay went silent. He wondered if this information changed any of the logistics of this class war coming up. After a few minutes of Kay simply staring at the ground he sat down, putting a hand over his mouth deep in thought. "Sir Kay?" He asked, frowning.

"This war is going to be bloodier than I thought."

"Next time Merlin complains about me being too uptight I'm going to make him have a conversation with you, old friend."

* * *

Gwaine was a wounded man.

Long ago, he swore the only injuries he would allow himself to have would be physical ones.

Then Joan came along with her bloody baby and that just got tossed out the window. Gwaine had figured he would one day be emotionally scarred again whether from love or loss or betrayal...Not a fucking _baby_. It wasn't even his baby! But damnit, here he was. And now he was committed to buying that baby a gift every year because one did not help yank a child out of a woman's womb and pretend like nothing happened. No, they were war buddies. Him and little Anne were bonded for life. They had seen each other covered in blood and crying. He was _committed. _

"Gwaine, come on." Elyan sighed, rubbing his arm. "It was _just_ a-"

"I hope you get married one day, Elyan."

"Oh. Thank you, Gwaine-"

"And I hope you have _lots_ of children."

"Well, I do want one or two-"

"And I hope you are there for _all_ of their births."

"You know, your voice sounds nasty but your words are quite kind." Elyan sighed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Where do you reckon Lance went off to?" He asked, looking towards the window their friend had jumped through. "Merlin might have already found him if Arthur wasn't holding him hostage." He added thoughtfully. Merlin was currently seething in the corner while Arthur attempted to get some coherent words out of him.

"He...Little...Could _kill..._Liar!"

"Yes, those are all words. They don't quite make sense together, Merlin." The prince was saying. "Try a sentence."

"HIM!"

"Alright, I tried." Arthur muttered and looked over at Gwaine and Elyan "Do you think Percival will be able to track Lancelot down?" He asked. Gwaine gave a non-committal shrug. Percival had been Lancelot's friend for quite some time. Excluding Merlin, he was probably the closest to Lancelot. Which was super tragic because Gwaine _needed_ him right now. He was the only one who understood his pain!

"He might, but I don't know what good it'll do. He can't force him back here." Elyan pointed out. Gwaine sighed. Right. He had enough.

"I need a drink." He announced standing "Forget Lancelot, I'm heading down to the tavern to-" He began and froze. Arthur clicked his tongue.

"I was waiting for you to realize." He muttered as Gwaine spluttered. No. No, no, no...Joan. _He had delivered a baby in a_ _tavern_. The place was ruined for him! Could he ever return without reliving the trauma? For all he knew there was still blood everywhere. Wailing, he fell back to the floor. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair, damnit! He felt like he was at his bloody breaking point.

"I'm need to go." Merlin informed them all suddenly. Elyan blinked.

"Where?"

"I have to fix the mess that bloody..._knight_ made." He grumbled and Gwaine scrambled up after him. No. Merlin may be the reason he was in this mess right now, but he was also the only person who could probably make him feel better during these trying times. Besides, maybe seeing Gwaine in this much pain would make him more likely to forgive his foolish, law abiding friend. "What are you doing?" Merlin asked him.

"Let me come along and I'll help you beat up Lancelot."

"No!" Arthur shouted.

"Deal." Merlin agreed.

* * *

Percival found Lancelot sitting by the river.

"Do you think I’m a good person?"

Oh boy.

"You know the answer to that," Percival sighed "Stop asking foolish questions and tell me what this is all about." He said, walking over some fallen branches to plop by him on the bank. Lancelot pursed his lips.

"It is confusing to be a good person here." The knight decided. Percival shrugged. That was fair. Camelot had a strange amount on nuances to it. He didn’t spend much time trying to navigate it. It was more Arthur’s job than his. Though for someone like Lancelot... Well, Percival wouldn’t be surprised if he had gotten involved in something ethically questionable. His friend always had the need to right any wrong he saw...Even if the right and wrong were blurry. 

"You said that to me about the dog." Percival reminded him dryly. Lancelot’s face immediately twitched in outrage. 

"It was a good dog." He muttered, making Percival grin more. Some time ago, they had come across a stray dog on a hunt. Merlin (obviously) got attached as he did with most animals. Lancelot, being Lancelot, suggested he keep it. The dog seemed happy enough to trot by Merlin. It wouldn’t have been an issue if it weren’t for the fact Sir Kay got bitten by the thing. 

One could imagine how that went down.

"You challenged a fellow knight to a duel over that dog."

"It was a good dog!" Lancelot insisted and then sighed "Besides, Merlin had already named him. I couldn’t let Kay leave the creature behind."

Percival shrugged. In truth, Arthur had been about to step in and fix the situation, but Percival suspected he was too amused by Lancelot’s antics to actually do it. Besides, seeing both Lancelot and Merlin shout loudly about how the knight’s code also applied to animals was a sight nobody ever thought to see. 

"Just go back and fix this. I’m sure whatever happened isn’t as bad as you think it is." He tried. Lancelot tolled his eyes. 

"It isn’t. But I’m not the one making a big deal over it." He scowled and let one of his boots kick some of the water in front of them. "It’s not like he can’t have it back. I just won’t-" He started and cut himself off. Percival waited. When it was clear the other man wasn’t going to answer, he gave a slow nod. 

"...was it really worth jumping out of a window though?"

"Have you met Merlin?" Lancelot asked, turning to him with raised eyebrows. "The one who once chose to go to the stocks for a solid week rather than agree re-wash Arthur’s floors after he purposely got mud on them? The one who spent three hours pretending he couldn’t hear Leon ordering him to go hide during an ambush? The one who convinced a visiting noble that he had amnesia and wasn’t in Camelot at all because of some rude comment to Gwen? What would you have done?" He asked dryly. Percival paused.

"Yeah, alright." He finally agreed. "But you guys have to make up eventually, right?"

"As soon as he sees reason."

"Lance...Listen, I’m not taking sides, but Merlin once argued the sky was purple for you. He also ate a bunch of worms for you." He added shuddering. "I think if you did something to upset him - reasonable or not - the fact of the matter is he is legitimately hurt by it to ever be upset with you."

That got his attention. Immediately, guilt played on the knight’s face as he looked down at this hands. 

"...I didn’t ask him to eat those worms." He finally whispered.

"Nobody did." Percival agreed "But someone needed to do it and Merlin came through." He said, leaving it at that. It was a long, horrible story and Lancelot had already lived through it. Groaning, the man fell onto his back, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"You’re right." He muttered "To be honest with you, I hadn’t expected him to have such a reaction to it."

Again, Percival wondered what the Hell happened, but he had made so much progress that he didn’t dare press. 

At any rate, Lancelot had stood up and marched back towards the castle. That was a win in his book. 

At least he thought so until he stopped to pick up some poison ivy with his gloves. That was concerning, but hey. If it wasn’t childbirth then he could handle it. 

* * *

Arthur had always considered himself a brave man. He had fought his share of sorcerers, bassets, griffons, dragons - Hell, even a questing beast. He had taken down armies (mortal and immortal) and stared into the precipice of death on more than one occasion. Danger was no qualm at this point. It was even a welcomed distraction from matters of state on a rare occasion.

But...That thing. That thing scared him.

And he meant 'thing' in a perfectly respectable, honorable way. He would _never_ disgrace Gwen by dehumanizing her...but also. He wasn't really sure she was _Gwen_ when she was this angry. It was just some spited ethereal being who told you truths you didn't want to hear and burned with an incredibly annoyed gaze. If you were lucky, you didn't cower away from it. However, no matter how brave or courageous you were...Well, there was no escaping the crushing guilt and pain in knowing you've upset her.

"...can't believe you let him _leave!"_ She was saying, throwing her hands up in the air. Arthur bit his lip.

"Gwaine is with him." He tried. Gwen closed her eyes.

"Do you know where Gwaine is?"

"Um, no."

"Then we don't know where Merlin is so that isn't very helpful." She sighed and tapped her foot on the stone floor. After a few more seconds, she paused and fixed Arthur with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I know that sounded nasty. I'm just so stressed and I don't understand why they're acting this way." She told him, voice tightening. Oh no. Please don't let her get teary eyed... He couldn't handle that. No, God, please. "Leon said Sir Kay is mumbling about a _class_ war now! I know it's nonsense, but I would also say Lancelot and Merlin acting this way is nonsense so really, what do I know? And now I'm lashing out at you and..." She continued.

Yep. There was the crushing guilt and pain. Right on cue.

"I've sent Elyan to find them...And Percival is with Lancelot right outside." He pointed out, gesturing towards the window where the two knights were trodding towards the gates. Lancelot had his hands full of a bundle wrapped in cloth which made him a little nervous, but he pushed the concern away for now.

"Yes, yes..." Gwen murmured, wringing her hands "Of course. I should sit down." She decided and took the seat that Lancelot had abandoned earlier. Arthur smiled at her weakly before rubbing at his eyes. He was so goddamn tired. Leave it to the Merlin and Lancelot to tear his kingdom to pieces over something trivial...Because it _was_ trivial. He knew it was. He just _knew it. _

The other options were one of them really did betray him and Arthur just wasn't going to consider it. Both those idiots tried to die for him way too often and - huh. There was an idea. Maybe they were fighting over who was going to sacrifice themselves next. Considering their antics he wouldn't be surprised if they had a schedule over who was going to try and get themselves killed for Camelot that had gotten lost somehow.

"Look who I found." Elyan's voice called dryly from the doorway. Behind him, Merlin and Gwaine stood. Merlin's hands were full of books - eyes narrowed in suspicion as he looked around. Gwaine was flushed, eyes alight with excitement as he glanced around and pushed his friends inside with Gwen and Arthur. His previous woes and trials had apparently disappeared in favor of whatever he had been doing with Merlin. "They were ransacking the library." Elyan said.

"Merlin!" Gwen gasped. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"It was _amazing,"_ Gwaine grinned "I distracted Geoffrey by knocking over a shelf while Merlin grabbed them all. Unfortunately, one _did_ land on Sir Kay and now he's yelling about noble blood turning on noble blood or something." He frowned, nose wrinkling "He also told me my lineage was a lie. I'm not sure what that meant, but considering it came from Kay...I'll take it as a compliment." He shrugged. Merlin looked back at him, letting the books fall to the floor with a thump.

"Maybe he's talking about the baby you apparently had." He pointed out. Gwaine froze.

"_I_ didn't have the baby. _Joan_ had the baby!"

"Oh!" Merlin blinked, eyes brightening "Joan had her baby?!" He gasped, shooting up. "That's wonderful! Did everything go alright? Gaius was there, right? Was it a boy or a girl? Joan swears it is a girl but-"

"_Joan had her baby?!"_ Lancelot's voice came from down the hall. Behind him, Percival and Leon were trailing behind him, looking wary as they shuffled towards the room. "When?! We missed it, Merlin!" He frowned.

"I know! Gwaine, were you there?" He asked. Gwaine looked like he had been hit - literally stumbling back at the questions. Lancelot's eyes were wide with an excitement that Arthur knew all too well as Merlin bounced on the balls of his feet, waiting expectantly.

"...It's a girl." Gwaine finally said. Lancelot and Merlin both cooed like the damn girls they were. They must have remembered they were fighting because the moment they grinned at one another, their expressions hardened. Merlin looked pointedly at the books on the ground. Lancelot rolled his eyes before shuffling the bundle of blankets in his arms.

"Stop it." Gwen interrupted, lips pursed as she looked between them "That's enough. What has _happened_ between you two?" She asked. Both paused.

"It's his fau-"

"_I don't want to hear whose fault it is." _

Arthur stepped back. Hey. He was the king. His life was important. No reason to jeopardize it over his dumbass servant and knight. Lancelot flinched at the tone before glancing over at where Merlin was gently kicking the books by his feet in a way that surely would have given Geoffrey a heart-attack. Unfortunately for them, Gwen wasn't done.

"There are mobs in the lower town, a knight rambling about a war, a baby being born - all because you two can't be civilized! I thought it was reasonable for you two to have the occasional squabble, but clearly when you two are at odds the whole kingdom becomes a mad house! You both have worked hard to protect one another, Camelot, and Arthur and yet _this_ is how you are going to behave? Ransacking libraries? Jumping out windows? Lancelot, what is in your arms?" She asked.

There was a long pause.

"Well..." The knight began, going pale. "Okay, it's poison ivy but-"

Merlin gasped.

"How could you?!"

"It was for a peace offering, I swear!" Lancelot shouted over the grumbling. Merlin snorted at that. "I'm not lying! I don't lie. Merlin. You _know_ I don't lie." He added a little desperately as he turned to his friend. Merlin scowled. "You know I don't lie." He added, narrowing his eyes. Merlin grimaced - anger and acceptance warring over his face before he sighed.

"I suppose...But you _do_ steal apparently. So I don't know you all that well after all." He sniffed. Arthur tilted his head.

No offense to Merlin but...What of his would Lancelot even _want_ to steal? He was a knight. Anything he wanted Arthur could easily arrange for him to get. Just as he was about to point this out, Gwaine snapped his fingers.

"OH!" He shouted, making everyone jump. "I know what's happened!" He beamed. Lancelot rose his eyebrows while Merlin's eyes widened in alarm. "It makes so much sense. Merlin looking at those books in Gaius' chambers, what Joan said earlier, and now he's ransacking the library!" He laughed before turning to Lancelot. "Come on, mate. I see the appeal but that's just _wrong_."

"Yes!" Merlin said and paused "But, uh, what exactly are you thinking happened?" He frowned.

"Well, obviously, Lancelot stole your diary."

A pause. Arthur sighed. He fucking _knew it_. It would be the dumbest nonsense ever.

"You have a _diary?"_ He asked. He could hear the fatigue in his voice. It was the sound of a man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Merlin was spluttering face shifting more and more red as Lancelot covered his mouth with a hand.

"No!" Merlin choked.

"Lancelot, why on Earth would you steal his diary? Those are private." Gwen frowned. Merlin made something that sounded like a cross between a dying rat and an angry boar before turning to whack Lancelot's arm.

"I didn't take his diary," Lancelot amended, voice a little high as he tried to hide a grin. "I - Stop it." He told Merlin who had decided to just sit on the ground and bury his face in his hands "I took his..." He trailed off for a moment and looked down at Merlin. "I am so sorry."

"I hate you." Merlin whispered.

Arthur hated them both a lot more.

"I took some letters. From his father." Lancelot said suddenly. Arthur stared. His _father?_ Merlin didn't know his father. "They were hidden in a book and I took it, which was wrong and I'm _sorry,"_ He added to Merlin, gently kicking his leg. "I was going to give them back."

"Who does that?" Elyan asked, aghast. "Lancelot...I wouldn't expect such a thing from you."

"Yeah, mate. That's mean. His father is dead, isn't he?" Gwaine frowned. Again, Merlin didn't know his father...but whatever. Perhaps Arthur just wasn't informed of this. Not that it mattered. Only...Well, Arthur didn't know his mother and he had thought...Nevermind. Not the point. The point is the scolding seemed to snap Merlin out of his sorry state so he could frown up at all of them.

"Wait. It wasn't his fault." the servant said, looking outrage at the mere implication that Lancelot could be accused of such things. Leon blinked.

"You've said numerous times that it was though." He pointed out. This did nothing to appease Merlin. Why would it? Logic was not the man's strong point.

"He was only looking out for me and now you're just yelling at him! Do you really think Lancelot would do something simply to be cruel?" He demanded. Gwaine pressed a finger to his lips, eyes narrowed. "I can't believe this!"

"...I'm a little confused, but give me a moment." Percival muttered. "So...Lancelot took these letters of yours for a _good_ reason?"

"No! He didn't!" Merlin snapped "But that doesn't mean he didn't mean well."

"I'm so lost. I have no idea what's happening." Arthur sighed. He didn't expect to know what was happening, but he figured it would be a good idea to announce it in any case. Merlin wasn't done either.

"And look! He got me poison ivy as a peace offering! How nice is that?"

"Is it though?"

"All of your are ridiculous," Merlin sniffed. Lancelot said nothing, looking at the ground trying to hide a smile. "Why don't you just leave us to resolve this matter? Clearly, you lot don't know how to mediate a situation. I can't believe you _attacked_ him like that!" He muttered, throwing up his hands. Arthur nodded. Sure. If they wanted him to leave, he would leave. Absolutely. Completely.

Though...As he watched everyone look at one another in baffled confusion, he wanted to clarify one thing.

"You...Will get those letter back, right?" He asked Merlin. He wasn't sure what the deal was exactly...The whole Merlin and his father thing...But if his servant had been honest with him with him all those years ago then it might be all he had of the man. As ridiculous as the whole situation seemed to be he didn't want his servant to be left with _nothing_.

Perhaps Merlin realized this because his face immediately softened as he nodded.

"I didn't lie to you," He told him quietly. Because yeah. Merlin just _knew_ things like that. Arthur didn't have to say he was bothered by this development. Merlin just knew. As he always did. It was a blessing and a curse in many ways to say the least. "It's a...Complicated matter. I hope you understand."

Arthur? Understand Merlin? Never. Still, he nodded.

"Letters...Why would you keep _letters_ in a book? A diary was a much better guess." Gwaine muttered as Gwen ushered him out of the room. She fixed Merlin and Lancelot with a warm smile as Elyan followed her. "I can't believe I delivered a baby over some _letters!_ And I'm not even allowed to be mad at Lancelot about it!" He grumbled, throwing up his hands.

"Shut up, Gwaine." Elyan advised. Gwaine mimicked him.

"_Shut up, Gwaine!_ Why don't you go kidnap a farmer, Elyan?" He demanded.

"Now, you two. Don't go and start a fight after all of this-" Leon began with a sigh, but Elyan had already lashed back.

"Big talk coming from the man who didn't even complete his quest because he decided to get married to a goat."

Leon choked. Arthur didn't blame him. It was a distressing story to hear over and over and _over_ again.

"Stop putting it out of context! I completed my quest, right Arthur? And I didn't marry a goat!" Gwaine complained. "I brought you back the bloody ancient coin or whatever. I just happen to spend it-"

"On a _goat!"_

"Let's move on," Leon suggested "I went and got the coin back. No harm done." He soothed. Percival rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, my friend. The goat might disagree."

"_I didn't marry the goat!"_ Gwaine growled. Arthur grimaced. He didn't want to leave anymore. Not if it meant listening to _that_ conversation play out. Instead he turned to the other two, warily.

"I expect you both to settle this and then defuse the situation with anyone affected." He told them. Arthur didn't have time to stop mobs or appease Sir Kay on whatever his quarrel was with life this time. Lancelot offered an apologetic smile before bowing. Merlin merely nodded because he was the worst. Taking it as a sign that there might, once again, be peace in his kingdom, he walked out the door.

"...so you see, it wasn't so much of a dowry for a marriage as it was a purchase for a meal. I thought Arthur might appreciate a good meal more than some old coin, anyways!"

"Whatever, Gwaine. I still say you married a goat."

You know what? Maybe he would go handle the mobs.

* * *

Lancelot was...Well, he was tired. He was exasperated. A little annoyed and a little relieved.

Mostly though...He was trying not to break into laughter.

He watched as everyone filed out of the room with wary glances over their shoulders as Gwaine continued insisting his purchase of that damn goat had no, in fact, been a marriage. Merlin rose his eyebrows, giving a sarcastic wave at the exit. Silence followed.

"So," He began and sat across from the servant "I should apologize for stealing your diary."

Merlin snorted. After a couple minutes Lancelot joined in until they were both laughing.

"They really do think we're complete idiots, don't they?" Merlin giggled, hunching over a bit as he tried to catch his breath. "I cannot believe they bought that." He grinned and Lancelot couldn't help but nod in agreement. It was true. He had been so sure that they were going to get called out on the lie but apparently their friends actually believe they could get in an argument that trivial.

"Did you see Elyan's face?" He asked and Merlin broke into laughter all over again. "I can't believe you went off on them when they tried to take your side."

"Hey, you did me a favor by not going along with the diary thing. Though, Arthur isn't aware I met my father..." He sighed. Lancelot winced.

"Sorry...It was the only thing I could think of at the moment." He admitted. The guilt quickly ebbed away when Merlin started giggling again. "I can't believe they blamed us for Joan's baby."

"I know! If this is what happens when we argue we should consider doing it more often." Merlin rolled his eyes and sighed, rubbing his chest as the laughter subsided. "Listen, I... I _know_ I overreacted, alright? I just-"

"No," Lancelot interrupted with a wave "You were right. I overstepped. I was just...Worried. This happens way too often, Merlin. I know you don't want to hear it but it was like the fifth time this month. I cracked." He admitted. Merlin bit his lip, nose wrinkling a little at that.

"But I'm careful-" He started and when Lancelot closed his eyes, rose his hands in surrender. "Yeah, fine. I'm not _your_ level of careful." He admitted. "I get why you were worried. I'll do better at hiding it...As soon as you give it back to me?" He added, voice rising a bit with hope. Lancelot scoffed. He supposed it was high time he returned the spellbook to its rightful owner. "Or you could just tell me where it's at?" He asked.

"I wrapped it in cloth and hid it in my room." He sighed and tucked a foot underneath his leg. "That's what the poison ivy is for by the way. I thought we could compromise. If you want to leave a magic book out for anyone to see the least you could do is make it so whoever touches it suffer a bit." He mused. Merlin tilted his eyes with consideration.

"...but wouldn't I also suffer if I touched it?"

"You're a goddamn sorcerer, Merlin. Cast a spell to make it not affect you." Lancelot snorted.

"_Or_ I could cast a spell from the spellbook to make it invisible or something." He mused. Lancelot let his mouth open, eyes bugging out slightly.

"You can _do that? _And you haven't before?" He shouted and took off his shoe to throw it at him. "Merlin, I kept telling you that if anyone finds that damn book that you're going to be in trouble and you just kept leaving it out and now you tell me you can turn it invisible?!"

"I was worried that I might lose it if I did that!" Merlin argued. Lancelot took off his other shoe to throw. "I'm _sorry,_ alright? Listen. I have a compromise, okay? I make the book invisible and we can use that poison ivy for something fun." He said. Lancelot narrowed his eyes. This sounded suspicious. "We can rub it in Kay's sheets."

"Merlin..." Lancelot chided. Then he thought back to the dog incident. "Yeah, okay." He agreed and held out his hand. "I really am sorry. I didn't realize how upset you would be about me taking it. Friends?" He tried. Merlin looked at him.

"It's...It's just magic, you know? I'm not the most careful, but it's _mine_ it always feels like someone is trying to take it from me in some form another. The fact that _you_ did...Just kind of drove me crazy, I guess. I know that isn't an excuse for trying to cut off your hair, but yeah. I'm sorry too." He said and grabbed his hands. "Friends." He agreed. Lancelot smiled and ruffled his hair. "Now, we should probably let the castle know we've made up."

"...leave that to me."

* * *

"The audacity! The _nerve! _You're going to accuse the prince's _own servant_ of such a crime?" Lancelot yelled. Merlin grinned at his friend. He looked over at where the rest of the knights were standing. Leon had his face buried in his hands - probably knowing all too well what had really happened. Gwaine and Percival both seemed equally dismayed...Though probably because they weren't included in the fun. Elyan and Arthur masked their emotions much better as Gwen stood behind them looking torn between disapproval and beaming at the pair.

Still, Merlin knew he would be hearing about this later.

"Who else would put poison ivy in my bed?!" Kay screeched, scratching at the red rash running up his arms and sides. "With the war coming up, of _course_ there will be preemptive attacks!" He hissed, swatting away Gaius who was trying to dab ointment on him.

"You insult my honor by suggesting such a thing!" Lancelot growled at him. Merlin nodded in agreement. From behind him, he heard low whispers from passing maids and guards.

"...it would seem they are getting along again."

"Oh, thank goodness."

"Rumor has it that the whole thing was over a _diary!"_

"No, no. It was about love letters, I think."

"_I_ heard they learned their fathers had been enemies!"

Merlin turned back to where Lancelot was loudly shouting at Kay, shaking his fist in the air before declaring he would duel Kay in order t resolve the issue. Merlin hummed. Kay wasn't so much a fool that he would believe he could actually defeat Lancelot in battle. The knight's eyes dimmed at the threat before throwing narrowed eyes the servant's way.

"_Fine,"_ He hissed, fists clenching. "I _retract_ my accusation." He spat out "But this is only a temporary moment of peace! The war _will_ come about!" He hissed and yanked the jar of ointment from Gaius "_And I will be ready!" _

Merlin waved. A few other knights who stood behind Kay gawked at the nerve, but nobody said a word as Lancelot threw an arm over his shoulder and led him away from the chaos.

"So how have you been?" He asked casually as they passed by the others "It has been two whole days since we've really spoken."

"Here we go," Arthur said "My socks are never going to get washed, are they?" He muttered. Merlin smiled. He would get to Arthur’s socks, of course. Right after he stopped whoever that visiting noble was trying to kill him. 

But Lancelot? Well...Lancelot was...You know. 

There was probably nobody else in the world he would drive Camelot into chaos with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BY THE WAY, I’ve been meaning to address this forever but I keep forgetting so I’ll mention it here. 
> 
> Y’all probably know I’m famous for my infinite amount of typos. I promise I do know grammar, but my mind seems to just automatically fix them when I try to re-read it. My solution was to just go back at some point and read my fics once they were old and fix it. Alas, I never did it and I know I won’t have time now. 
> 
> SO, if any you WANT to be sorta a beta reader for me that would be cool. I’ve never had one so idk process but if there’s a specific fic you want to clean up or you just want to look over anything new before I post it then let me know! I might give you my email or maybe I can figure out what my password was on my tumblr and open that back up 😂 if anyone is brave enough to do this then we can figure it out. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! I’ll hopefully finish up Finding the Noble in Nobility and then I have another one-shot and then a new multi chapter fic I’m super excited about so be ready for that! 
> 
> -CF


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